Henry Isaacs works part-time at the Ranesville hardware store. His wife, Elvira, said he might as well spend the day there since that’s where he spends most of his time and money anyway. Last Thursday was his turn for the afternoon shift, so, on that day, we agreed to meet at Harry’s at five o’clock. We sat among the other customers who drop in after work for happy hour.

Des was still there. She’d had her big hair done and protected it with a gauzy thing tied at the back. She was blonde this time and wore a denim trouser suit with sequins and flowery embroidery on the jacket. Her cowboy boots were shiny with red leather decorations.

“’bout time you guys showed up,” she said. “Buy a lady a drink?”

Dave swiveled around on his bar stool and scanned the room. “What lady? Tell me if one shows up and I’ll buy her a beer.”

“You wouldn’t know a lady if you saw one, blimpo,” replied Des through the bottom of a schooner.

Dave is a bit sensitive about his weight and was about to respond so I rotated my hand to signal a round of drinks and the conversation turned to the weather. Which was lousy. The rains had come and the floor was splattered with wet footprints. Every time the door opened there was a blast of cold air.

During the week Joe had installed a row of transparent pulltab boxes behind the beer pumps. The price of all his drinks are in increments of twenty-five cents so his customers usually get a quarter in their change. Which was exactly the price of a pulltab.

I was curious since I had never played the game before. I slid a five dollar bill across the counter and pointed. “Number eleven, Joe. Pick me a winner?”

He dipped his hand in the box and counted the pulltabs out. I opened them and piled the losers on the bar as the others watched. The last one had a series of numbers across it. “What’s this mean, Joe?” I asked.

He picked it up and grinned. “Beginner’s luck. You just won yourself a hundred bucks.”

While Dave, Henry and Des cheered, Joe opened the till and counted out four twenties and two tens.

“Did I clean you out?” I asked as I gathered up my winnings.

“No problem,” said Joe. “It all comes back. One way or another.”

I pushed a ten back over the bar and Joe stuffed it in the bartenders’ tip jar. He pointed to all the half-empty glasses on the bar. I nodded.

The late afternoon session went on until the evening and then later. By the time my hundred bucks (less ten) had been used up it was gone ten o’clock. Henry swilled down his beer, stood and checked his watch.

“Oh hell!” he said. “I was supposed to take Elvira to dinner tonight.” He sat down heavily. “She’ll kill me!”

Des giggled. “She’ll probably use one of those fancy tools you keep buying at the store.”

“Shut up, Des,” said Joe. “This is serious.” He turned to Dave. “What do you suggest, Counselor?”

Dave straightened his tie and tried to focus his eyes.

“Create a diversion. Lawyers do it all the time.”

We turned to Des. She stared back.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Come on, Des, help out.”

“Buy me a drink?”

“Sure,” I said. Joe popped open a Bud and slid it across to her. She poured it in her glass slowly.

“Well,” she started. We stared as she took a long sip of beer. “Mary Jane over at the hairdresser’s is expecting. Any time now. Tell Elvira we were celebrating the happy event.”

Joe and Henry high-fived each other.

Henry reported what happened at home the next time we met in Harry’s. He got home that night and made no attempt to be quiet as he parked his car and opened the door. Elvira was sitting up in bed with curlers in her hair and her arms crossed.

“You hear what happened?” said Henry with a smile. “Mary Jane had her baby this afternoon. Ten pound boy! We’ve been celebrating.”

Elvira melted at the news and the night passed without bloodshed.

Next morning, an unshaven and hungover Henry staggered downstairs to find Elvira sitting primly at the breakfast table. She still wore her curlers.

“Early shift today,” croaked Henry as he reached the door. “Got to hurry.”

“Wait a minute,” said Elvira. “I just called the hairdresser’s. Mary Jane and the baby are doing well.”

Henry hesitated. Relief welled up in him. “Told you so.”

“It’s a girl,” said Elvira sweetly. “A seven pounds six ounces girl. Born at three thirty this morning.”

The hurled coffee cup missed Henry as he fled. It broke the frosted window in the kitchen door and spread a brown stain over the wallpaper.

Before leaving the hardware store at the end of his shift, Henry picked up a pane of glass, some glazier’s putty and a new glass cutter. You can never have too many glass cutters.

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